New Years Eve has this certain unspoken pressure to be spent doing something remarkable. Society tells us that the way you enter the new year somehow dictates the next 364 days. Whether it’s the need to have a kiss at midnight or the expectation of having the time of your life so that you can pretend you don’t notice everyone kissing around you, that unspoken pressure exists. You scroll at night and all you see are posts of everyone's year highlights in a recap reel on Instagram to the top trending music. People sharing pictures of how grateful they are for the year that has just passed.
I spent this New Years Eve very simply, but I got to do it with someone special, and for that I am extremely grateful.
As the clock hits midnight, the start of a new year, although just another day later, is somehow a hope for a new beginning. A new chance to reset, refocus intentions, and transform into a better you for the year ahead. A time for reflecting, a time for hoping.
I found myself feeling unsatisfied while looking through my gallery to show off my highlights. My 2021 doesn’t have the happiness and allure that others does. Don’t get me wrong, 2021 has had some remarkable moments; new skills learned, quality time with family spent, the restart of my time on cruise ships, and chance to have met some incredible people. The year had its moments (and for those, I am grateful). But I wanted to look back and feel fulfilled, feel inspired like the last year was my best yet and the one to come will only be even better.
To be completely honest, 2021 was a tough year for me, maybe even worse than 2020. I had several health problems that knocked me off my feet like; properly affecting me for the rest of my life. These past two years grabbed me and shook the shit out of me. As the last few days of 2021 came to a close, I didn’t feel a the sense of hope and gratitude from the 365 days before. Instead, I felt I’ve just been waiting for the year to pass. I was always waiting for the next good thing to come that would make me faster, wishing for the year to move quicker to that point and then the same to the next. I’ve consistently tried to reframe my perspective and find the little moments that made them special, but as a whole, I couldn’t wait for the year to be over. I couldn’t wait to feel that hope for the new year to bring a change, to bring a new chapter.
I’m not a real believer in new year's resolutions. I think that resolutions should start any time of the year and that the timestamp on the day shouldn’t dictate the initiation for change. However, for these last two years, I’ve hoped for a flip of the switch at midnight; for the world to be better, for my life to feel more complete than it did before. As December 31st passed, I didn’t feel I’d accomplished that.
Lets be realistic: life is still in the middle of a pandemic, with constantly arising variants and the world not returning to a sense of normality. We are in a surge with everyday being pretty mundane and the sight of change in this industry doesn't seem to be just around the corner. Being a performer on cruise ships during this time hasn't been the smoothest ride. I’ve been finding it difficult to feel that “New Years everything will be better now” feeling.
I’m embarrassed to admit that these last two years I’ve been trying to fast forward everyday, move things along until they will get better. In a sense, leaving it to the New Year to fix my mentality.
So for this year, my only intention is to work on finding moments every day that makes me happy. And, if I can’t find a moment in each day, then to work on refocusing my perspective and minimize my anxiety in the harder moments to see the bright side. I’m aiming to choose a life that makes me happy each day, not just stick things out because I have to or more importantly because I originally planned to. What I want for myself in 2022 is to enjoy the year and not wait for it to pass by; if what I'm doing isn't making me happy or isn't helping me grow, I won't just exist in it.
So here’s to 2022, not hoping for things to be better, but choosing to make my life, regardless of the state of the world, better and happier. I hope the same for you all.
Happy new year. x